resisting...

a week ago saturday i attended the women of faith retreat with my older sister mary. this was a two day event where Christian women came to gather to hear authors, speakers and singers celebrate the Lord. we only attended the second day, and although, there were a few moments things felt a little hokey and commercialized, the overall experience was very enlightening.

i will have to say that lately i have been feeling very lost and confused and even broken at times - and questioning these feelings to their core because i can't understand why i seem to feel so unsure. i have so many wonderful things in my life & i appreciate every single one of them. nor have i ever really had to experience anything truly awful in my 31 years. i am completely and 100% blessed to the bone. yet, these overwhelming feelings still remain.

so after getting a little "reminder" this weekend - i believe the reason i have been feeling so lost - is that i have been trying to lead myself through the past several years. trying to come up with all the answers all on my own. i have been resisting.

resisting the truth that i know is within me

resisting the unknown

resisting being true to myself

and most of all - resisting to trust in and surrender it all to God

so i pray:

dear Lord - please forgive me for believing that i have all of the answers and that i have to have all of the answers. i surrender and place at your feet all of my brokenness and all of my questions. i trust in You to lead me to the right path and walk beside me down whatever road you bring me to. and when i am scared, i will be brave - knowing that You will be faithful.

{side note, i actually prayed this prayer last sunday, and all week long, i have felt an immense sense of relief. not gonna say that i don't still feel a bit overwhelmed at times, but knowing that i can just hand it over, has allowed me to start my day with a smile, instead of worry. AND i realized todd did not ask me "what's wrong" or call me grumpy pants once all week. :) oh the power of a prayer!!!}

hope all you lovlies had an amazing amazing weekend. we had power cleaning the house and a wedding on our agenda. much fun!!

hugs,
Rachie